• Mary McConnell

Don't Die With Your Music Still in You

I have always been a huge fan of Wayne Dyer. His teachings and message have been paramount in both my healing and spiritual journeys. One of his famous quotes that has inspired me time and time again is, "Don't die with your music still in you."

During my darkest days, when my depressions, anxieties, emotional pain and substance abuse challenges were at their worst I had lost all sense of who I was. My spirit wandered aimlessly, like a nomad of sorts having become separated from who I was born to be. I didn't know what my favourite colour was, if I preferred chocolate chip or oatmeal and most definitely not what the music in my heart and my soul was, or if I even had any music inside of me at all.

Looking back, I can now see that it was still there the whole time, never abandoning me as I had abandoned it by burying it under a heaping pile of self-protection. Life circumstance had me believe that my music was no longer safe in the world or within myself, so I hid it (me) away into the deepest recesses of my heart. In place of my music I built walls, put on masks, looked outside of myself for direction, sought comfort in all the wrong places and sat in the corner of my own life instead.

During my mental health and substance abuse recovery I embarked on a journey inwards, for I knew intuitively that this was the only road that would take me towards the healing and life that I desired. I had tried working with countless therapists, swallowed numerous medications and read every book that I could find, all in the hopes that something outside of myself would heal what was so desperately hurting inside of me. When my body started rejecting my medications, no longer allowing me to swallow my pills, I intuitively came to the realization that that no group, counsellor, medication or diagnosis was going to help me reclaim my wounded soul and loss of self. I had a completely broken spirit that was being reflected in my outer world as depression, anxiety, constantly changing and often extremely unhealthy choices, substance abuse, painful and recurrent life experiences and toxic relationships and a heart that was in shambles.

I wanted to find and heal my music, my inner spark that at times, I could sense was still there, even if I couldn't fully feel, name or attach anything concrete to it's melody.

Everyone's music is still in them. I know for myself that a big factor in my mental health and substance abuse battle originated from having hidden and temporarily disconnected from mine. We are all born with our music; it is an intrinsic aspect of our deepest selves. We were created to play out and express our own unique melody in the expression of our life, the melody that burned brightly in our hearts as a child until life happened to us and we started making choices and following paths that were not coming from our own song, the song that knows our truth, our worth, our gifts and our heart.

Underneath any addiction, depression, anxiety or troubled and wounded soul is a loss of self and of one's own music. But it is still there. Get quiet and go within. You will hear it and you will feel it for it has never left you ... it is simply waiting patiently for you to reach down and hear its whispers again.

Don't die with your music still in you.


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Mary McConnell

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